Grow up and blow away

Sometimes when I look back on my life I feel like I don't grow up the way people are supposed to. I feel like I spend an extraordinary amount of time staying exactly the same, and then all at once, all of the life lessons come spilling out on me and it's overwhelming and I hate it and I'm completely ill-prepared to deal with any of it. Something like that is happening now, and that combined with my impending graduation has turned me into some kind of whiney, weepy pile of mush. I'm incapable of having any fun because I spend all of my time worrying and when I'm not worrying I'm just flat out sad. I've spent 17 years perfecting the art of being a good student and all of a sudden I have to deal with things like "relationships" and "morals" and "fiscal responsibility" and I'm realizing that I never had to do any of that before while I was safe inside the world of academics. My job since I was 6 was to pretend to be smarter than I really am, take tests and write papers that use words like "therefore" and "consequently". I'm a college graduate with the social skills of a 13 year old. I'm selfish and heartless and impulsive, and I'm ashamed because I thought I'd be so much better than this by now.